Negative Prozac (Sarafem, Fluctin, fluoxetine) Story Prozac-induced "Brain/Body-Crash" on August 2, 1996

Prescription
In february 1994 I visited my family doctor (GP) and told him about my depression because of a stranded relationship. Because I had heard and read about the "magnificant new wonderdrug" Prozac and it's far fewer side effects then other anti-depressants I asked him for a prescription. There was no need for any form of psychotherapy because I knew very well the background of my depression and besides it wasn't that bad. If I had only knew then, what I know now, I wasn't depressed at all, I was feeling down and I just wanted to feel better, happy, not sad. -later a real depression would hit me hard after being under prozac's influence-. My family doctor prescribed Prozac 20 mg daily. About 5 to 6 times I took a monthly "cure" of Prozac 20 mg daily with intervals of a few months. My first response on Prozac was pretty good, I became more active, but looking back on that period I also became more reckless and naive, less bright and focused on my environment (people and circumstances). I was completely convinced of the innocence of this product and believed that it could actually help me feeling better. The only side effects that it gave me at first were some flu-like symptoms (a bit shaky), some nerve twitching beneath my right eye and a dry mouth, nothing very serious. My dream recall increased tremendously and they were more rich and vivid then ever. I've ended the last "cure" of Prozac (30 days) in april 1996.

Attack
On friday the 2nd of August 1996 (about 4 months later) I went to my family doctor for another 30 day prescription of Prozac because I still felt somewhat down these last few months. I took one pill that afternoon and went out of town to pay a visit to my parents. While driving in my car for about a half an hour, I suddenly felt a strange kind of dizziness in my head. I felt inconstant contractions to be followed by a very painfull stitch at the right side on top of my head, then followed by a sensation as if a bloodstream went down on my forehead. A milky mist came down upon my eye sight, although I still kept my vision, thank God. From my neck an extremely burning sensation radiated throughout of my whole body, especially my spine, arms and legs. My whole body felt like burning inside. Then a stiffening of my body followed and I had a constant feeling of "electricity pain" in my whole body. My body felt electrified, constantly! It's very hard to explain this feeling, but it's like goose-flesh so much intensified that it hurts extremely and keeps your body tensed...constantly! (-I did not had the comfortable feeling of a warm body anymore that belonged to me, but a "body" consisting of "wires" connected to electricity-)

I drove my car upon the verge and came in a state of shock. I remember that my first thought was: "It's over, this is a stroke and parts of my body will be paralyzed". Then I realized that couldn't be the case cause I could still move my body parts and I could still talk, but inside I was completely panic-stricken. What is happening to me? My God what if this won't go away? "I must keep my head cool, stay calm and drive on" were my thoughts.

I only parked for a few seconds upon that verge to check if I was still able to drive the car and drove on in the direction of my parents house. The whole incident, from the start of feeling dizzy, till the drove on to my parents, lasted less then 1 or 2 minutes. It took one Prozac-attack to blew away my comfortable feeling of self, of me in my body! The milky mist that came down upon my eye sight would stay for days. First thing I did when arriving at my parents house was immediately phoning the family doctor who tried to convince me that this was just some side effects I was going through and I should keep on taking the Prozac, which I did not, because in the state I was in, this "stuff" just had to leave my system, immediately! I've contacted 5 other doctors (amongst them a neurologist) who all said that if this indeed appeared to be a Prozac induced side effect at all, it would certainly pass within a few days. It did not! It continued and grew worse. I was so scared, I was so shocked and unknown of what had happened to me, and the responding of the doctors knocked me out. Physically and mentally I became a wreck, fractured. All I could do was lay down and trying to sleep.

Hell
From that moment on I would stay and move into my parents house for about one year. I couldn't work anymore, I couldn't focus anymore, I had changed from a selfconfident grown man into an extremely anxious pitiful creature, locked up inside, not able to function anymore. I got more then terrified, I couldn't rationalize anymore, I just couldn't bring my thoughts to the right proportions, and believe me, you would be terrified too, cause you think you're going crazy, out of your mind. It was very difficult for my parents, but they've cared for me as good as possible in that period, not really understanding what had happened to me and not able to properly communicate with me.

The first 14 days I went straight into hell, just pure and plain hell. My body, my nervous system, became extremely hypersensitive and totally out of control. It's difficult to explain but I wasn't in control anymore but my brains were, sending signals of pain throughout of my whole body. It was the most frightening experience in my whole life. My body felt as if it was turned inside out. I was so afraid and I had no idea if there was coming any relief of this. I did not committed suicide, but I don't know what I had done if that bit of a relief didn't came after 14 days. My ego (what you think you are) blew away into pieces. Boundaries that belonged to my personality structure were far exceeded. It's an intrusion of your integrity that is not easily to describe but I'll try to explain: I experienced thoughts and emotions that were not mine, thoughts and emotions that didn't belong to my personality, my character, that which makes me the person I am. Thoughts that were racing in my head like "resonating clouds of gas". The thoughts were extremely immoral, offensive, negative and from a selfdestructive kind. I was embarrassed by these thoughts and so afraid, not able to stop them. The thoughts were extremely clear and strong, I actually could "hear" the thoughts and it's very difficult to explain how that's like, but "resonating clouds of gas" fits the closest description. It's through this experience that I can better understand now how a phenomenon such as telepathy might work.

Next to it I experienced exaggerated feelings of compunction. I "condemned" myself for "sins" from my childhood. The emotions that came up were horrible with thoughts like: "how do you think to live on with this ?", again, I just couldn't rationalize anymore, as responsible as "I" made myself for these "sins". In my mind I also could "see" symbols (and you have to understand that I saw it very clearly, like in a very vivid dream experience), symbols that scared the shit out of me, spires (like in the dark ages), people with masks, etc., all kind of bizarre and scrappy. I got oversensitive for coffee, herbs, etc.. I had become extremely hypersensitive to light and sound, which caused me pain upon top of my head, symptoms you can best compare with meningitis. My neck muscles were heavily contracted. I couldn't watch any movie with more or less contained violence. It scared me, my nervoussystem just couldn't bear it.

Nightmares
Nightmares that I experienced were horrible, violent, frightening and so realistic that after awakening it took me some time to realize that I was already awake, and that this was a nightmare, not happening in real-time. That was another symptom: the filter between my sense of reality and my dreams got blurred. I felt like I was in a dream-like state (locked up inside) and couldn't woke up from it. I still have this symptom occasionaly, after 4 years now. In one of the nightmares I was raped by a good friend of mine, it was all so horrible. Can you imagine someone very close to you, you really know well, you care for this individual's integrity and you have a realistic nightmare being raped by this person. Then you "wake up" from this nightmare not realizing that you are awake already. Sometimes at night I woke up with such pressure on my chest (it litterly felt as if someone was pushing on my chest) that I had difficulty with breathing. A lot of nights I even did not dare to sleep alone. My heartbeats were heavy and up-speeded along with the excessive sweating of my body, especially at night. I really do not understand why I did not drove in panic to the hospital at some nights, but I just didn't. At some nights I didn't dare to sleep at all, because of the realistic nightmares that gave me a feeling as if something evil did came over me. I was also afraid to wake up being totally paralyzed, and the feeling of this being possible was very strong. It felt like anything could happen, I wasn't in control anymore, but my prozac-influenced brain was!

"Recovery"
After 14 days I discovered a little light at the end of the tunnel. After 40 days the burning "electricity pain" (electrified feeling) in my body had slightly changed in an all embracing itch, which appeared to be a blessing compared with the hell of inner nerve pain. The "resonating clouds of gas" thoughts in my head, slightly changed into a feeling of a "stone" in my head. This "stone" goes accompanied with contractions in my forehead and radiates behind my nose to my fore teeth.

After those 4 years now, the "stone" as well as the contractions are still returning when I work behind a computerscreen (indeed right now). After those 4 years I still experience occasionaly shivering of my body and twitching and jerking in my legs. After those 4 years I still experience a kind of aliënation from my emotions. It feels like you've lost a part of yourself and some untrustable stranger substitutes that part. I'm just glad that I can live a "normal" life right now. I'm still bitter, who's gonna give me back what I've lost? The battle I'm still fighting to win, is to win myself back again, which means: the complete and trusted feeling of "self" I once used to have!

Support and Warnings
I know I'm not alone, I'm just one of many, a Prozac Survivor, an SSRI Survivor. I do wish to meet a lot of others now who are also SSRI Survivors. I've had a tremendous support by Frank van Meerendonk, the founder of the Prozac Survivors Support Group (PSSG) in Holland. He has gathered a significant amount of information concerning SSRI's, horrendous experiences, trials and neurological research.

It's shocking to know that there are so many individuals on SSRI's nowadays in 2000 - about 40.000.000 worldwide on Prozac, not to mention the other SSRI's- after so many victims crying out to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Children have become targets too now. SSRI's are already being prescribed to children at the age of 6. The myth of "ADHD" has made it possible for them being drugged with Ritalin or Dexedrine which are Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitors. The actions of these drugs are comparable to the actions of Cocaine or Speed (Amphetamine) and we all know what these type of drugs are capable of.

There is NO excuse for the pharmaceutical industry, producing these type of mind- altering drugs, commercializing them, creating copy-cat Prozac-clones, with a cute selling name, but with the SAME diabolical effect, working on the SAME serotonergic and related dopaminergic system in the brain....Prozac, Sarafem, Paxil, Seroxat, Zoloft, Lustral, Luvox, Fevarin, Celexa, Cipramil, Anafranil, Meridia, Effexor, Desyrel, Serzone, Remeron, Redux, Fen-Phen, etc.....

In September 1997 the serotonin acting diet-drugs Redux and Fen-Phen had to be withdrawn by the FDA because of their serious life-threatening side-effects, damaging the brain, heart and lungs. When will other serotonin boosting drugs follow the same example? Too much serotonin (or serotoninergic activity) is definitely something to avoid. It is important to educate the future generation about the inheritance of these so called anti-depressants or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors.

Epilogue
I don't know exactly how to describe this, but I definitely know that SSRI's influence your conscience and the center of your will. I am talking by first hand experience, and after this experience it's so very difficult to gain control back over your life again. It's so hard to believe again that YOU are in control over YOUR mind, that YOU determine YOUR thoughts and YOUR emotions. I was not only heavily (post)-traumatized by this experience but also parts of my personality have changed. For example: I have to avoid some social situations because of my increased anxiety. I never had this before Prozac. I also have become extreme sentimental. I used to be a very bright, inquisitive individual. Now I have to force myself to be with people and to learn new things. I feel mentally raped by Prozac and it nearly killed me, but it could not destroy my essence.

SSRI's are without any doubt the most dangerous and underestimated drugs on this planet and for what I and many other individuals have experienced, the product of pure evilness. These SSRI's are products of pure darkness disguised as "angels of light". It's striking to see how they rush their "blitzkrieg", to deceive the world, how people on them, are defending their drugs to the bone, worshipping them. It's striking to see how our doctors have blind faith in SSRI's and invite them to come in, like they were descendents of the Gods. It is a very frightening development of OUR future ! It's very frightening to see the power of the almighty pharmaceutical companies, who develop and push their SSRI's to the world, using their power by influencing the health care system and the media. It's very frightening to watch a world of individuals fall asleep, who ridicule the cause of increasing school- and workplace shooters by using the nickname of "the Prozac Defense". I can only hope that these individuals wake up from their dream-states in the near future, to find themselves naked and that they may see how many human lives their deceivers have destroyed in their surroundings...

May 6, 2000